Things I Wish People Wouldn't Say - 1

"We don't mind, so long as it's healthy"


It's the standard response that is trotted out so often these days.  In the 1990s, it was almost de rigeur to find out the sex of your child before it was born, via the wonders of ultrasonic examination.  Now it seems to have become the fashion to do it the old-fashioned way, by counting bits and pieces when they come out.  Just as banjos are "in", so is "having babies the proper way".  There's even the anti-caesarian backlash, who regard having a baby extracted by surgical means to be cheating, and somewhat recherché - probably the same people who insist on organic vegetables. But I digress.

So, when a couple is asked if they want a boy or a girl, the standard answer is now "We don't mind, so long as it's healthy."  This is such an accepted phrase that the asker often feels inclined join in the last couple of words of the response, with a knowing nod and smile.

However, in light of the nation's recent celebration of all things Paralympian and wonderful, can this really continue to be a valid response?  How can we continue to demand good health as a basis of whether our child will be acceptable in our eyes? Would those trite words come back to haunt you if your child was born with a chronic condition, phsyical disability, or mental impairment? Of course, you'd still love your child, so why put pre-conditions on that love?  I'm always tempted to ask "So what would you do if it wasn't healthy? Have it adopted and try again?"  I've never said this of course, as I don't like being punched, and I quite like having friends. Despite everything, I quite like children too, so long as I'm allowed to talk to them properly.  Blimey, that's another massive subject, so I'll stop digressing again.

Perhaps the inspiration that was supposedly injected into a largely lethargic nation by the extraordinary physical and mental achievements of Paralympians will put a stop to this.  Perhaps the phrase will be replaced by "We don't care, so long as it's inspirational".  To be given the opportunity to use this phrase (no matter how ironically) is one of a very small handful of reasons I can think of to have more children.

I might share with you some day what some of the others are...